Standing here, open hands closed heart trembling with fear,
Eyes scanning for comfort.
I feel your steps entering this space and I begin to brace,
Stranger to my life and partner to my thoughts.
Wishing for a limit with unbroken words, unspoken, though they seem to fit,
Laying there with light and breathing slow and soft,
I reach across knowing what to find, seeing now for the first of many times.
Careful not to cross and careful not to suffer,
Always wondering when it will happen again.

If this life is over, how can it begin?
If this feeling is fleeting, how can I trust it, or myself?
Reflections of the past drift by in the pool of my being.
Serendipitously, I focus on that which happens moment to moment, hoping to never lose sight of the future I still hope to someday grasp.
Forever is too long to wait, yet to daunting to have.
A fever spills through my garments as another lifetime drifts away.
Again, it comes it goes.
Tears roll down my cheek as  a burst of energy pushes me to another level for which I am no longer prepared.
Get your walkin' shoes on, it's a long way.

Telling a story and living it well, I try to keep up with the coming swell.
Captured by freedom and cornered here by nothing
Restrain again and watch it leak, just for you a little peak.
Water, wind, rain and dirt fill the creases in my hand, hanging on gripping so much to this running sand.
Clutching to this void that surrounds my senses and makes it real, So Alive and ready to feel.
Tangible objects a dream of nights not yet slept, away from me the land has crept.
Crawl from my chariot to a strange new place so earthy with hope.
Tearing down with the hope of building once again, eyes new and sparkly clean.

Here we go!
Wake it  shake it flaunt it over.
Step across a stump no spill no fall.
Quietly gather as truffles collect.
The more that comes that more that wants.
Reaching further further on.
Way to this or way to that fingers curl and then unwrap.
Floating softly within this sea, embracing whatever comes to me.

Come into crisis and fire and confusion.
You're smug smile, smug in spandex.
Relive a youth that never clung to the breast you bare.
Curl your lips around the pearls that shine under.
Crouch, poise, mock and cry yourself to sleep, alone.
Sad for you sad until into my home your voice left shrill.
Walk it off walk it away.
With every stride closing in on your anonymous prize, the further I bring it with only my eyes.
Careful now.

So, I got home from work last night & went downstairs to tinkle. There was water on the bathroom floor..uh oh!  Dylan got home moments later & together we went into the creepy unfinished portion of the basement...water, water, water. The sump pump was doing its job, but there is a little moat, if you will that goes around the outer edge of the walls & it was full of house bits. After cleaning up the mess, it's still unclear as to how the water got into the bathroom, since we mopped it all up in the other room, but it's still getting puddles in the bathroom. I convinced Dylan to talk to a plumber finally.
On to other news, I am getting very excited about getting my hair did the weekend which makes me feel like a dumb girl, but it's been a long time, since I missed my last appointment. I never thought I would be 'that girl', but here I sit, waiting for my moment in the beauty chair.
That, and getting hair did means getting out of the house for a fun and adventurous day in Olympia, followed by dinner, coffee and endlessly wonderful conversation.

The world at large is taking my soul.
It sees me standing alone, pockets out-turned and sobbing with no light shone.
Coming closer to damage my stance, it embraces me into a slow threatening dance.
Reaching around for the crash of a clash to find nothing there, but an emptiness stash.
Spying some movement somewhere toward my eyes, this world turns slightly to broaden the lies.
Looking around and what do we see? A broken, a lonely, a terrible me.
Two thousand eight has pushed, wrecked and lost, how 'bout next year give me happy with minimal cost!

Digging, sinking,  falling fast.
Unable to escape the inevitable grasp.
It feeds and starves and comes alive.
It keeps me empty and cracks my stock.
Feel me letting go but clutching tighter, feel me having no darkness getting brighter.
Understate to understand and contemplate now this demand.

Focus on the tree and watch it decay from beneath. Now burrow in that hole and forever cease to breathe.

Pull it stretch it razor thin
Drip, drip the pain within
Capture black and territory
Feel the ending of this story
Riddle this and only me
Song sing over swing sea.

***sssssiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhh***

I have not done a thing today, except drink coffee, exercise, take a shower & computer. I need to bake a cake for Dylan's birthday, and will most likely do that tomorrow.
I am going to smoke today. That's right. It will be ok. I have been trying to plan for Dylan's birthday, and all of these other things keep coming up. The house is finally clean to my standards which is good since Brett & HER will be here on Saturday.
Tonight I get to have dinner & a show with my buddy (yay!), and tomorrow going to see Twilight with Rhi, which will be good, since we haven't hung out in a really long time.
Lately, I feel like I'm nesting. i always want to be cooking & cleaning. Nothing makes me happier. Since I have been listening to the Twilight series on audiobook, it's been super entertaining. 
A couple of days ago I bought two rotisserie chickens. Last night I made chicken broth & chicken noodle soup, which I have never done before. The soup was delicious. Chicken noodle certainly isnt my favorite, but it tasted so fresh and simple, yet rich with flavor that I had two bowls!
On Sunday, some family friends are coming to visit from SAN FRAN and I am pretty excited about that, though we will still have our guests from Portland at the time...
We're going from just us being quiet around the house to a whole bunch of socialization and people. It will be a nice change, I think.

Bye for now.